Been stressing out

I have been so cranky and stressed and even my blood pressure is up. I'm so tired of losing caregivers. Just when I get used to one, they leave. The cats love Vanessa and they are really going to miss her as will I. I wish Mike would clean up after himself. How many times do I have to tell him? Even Acsalia is lazy with doing things like mopping, vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen and dusting. WTF? I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to write a book since I don't have MS Word on my computer anymore. I've been up all day and trying to clean and get shit done like paying bills. They better not cancel my Klonopin or I'll be hitting the roof!

Time to find my manuscript or start a new one

I started writing a book a long time ago and between having a hard time remembering some details and mom passing away, I stopped writing. Now my MS Word isn't working on my computer so not sure how I'm going to write. I was going to post my final post on Facebook this morning but Joe Trammel talked me out of it. I'm going to see if I can find my book on my desktop computer and read it and see if I need to start over or edit it. I hope this will make me feel like I'm making a difference and have a purpose in this world for once.

It's been awhile

I finally found the site I used to blog in. I can't believe it was 2007 for the last one. Painful to read what I was saying about mom since she died 6 months later. I know we were fighting all the time and her memory was going but it's hard to read it now. Who knew an aneurysm would take her life in 6 months?

I had my first "surgery" if you want to call it that. It was a cystoscopy that they couldn't do in the doctor's office because of the leg tremors. The worst part was getting the IV because my veins are hard to find. I called dad tonight and he got all worked up because Lowe's gave me the runaround about the sink. I'll deal with Lowe's when I feel better. I guess dad is coming here on the 13th and will be here for 4 days. Not sure if he's staying at my house or Bill's. I've been fighting a headache and neckache all week. Makes it hard to sleep. I'm glad I had Acsalia with me yesterday and Monday when I went to the doctor. My knees are really sore from them bending them I guess. I am so not happy with my life. I feel like it's going to waste with me sleeping alot and not having money to do anything. I wish selling Avon would have worked this time, but it didn't. I hope dad isn't going to be all over me about my weight. He was bringing it up on the phone and I know I've gained more since he last saw me. I have to get my eating under control! It's one of the few things that brings me joy so I just eat everything I like no matter how many calories it has. I was relieved to get my disability check yesterday since the whole "debt ceiling" talk was making it sound like I might not. I'm not real happy with my current tenant, but I will post more about that later. Time for me to get some rest.

I want a new caregiver!!

I swear I'm gonna choke the living shit out of her! I am so sick of the arguing and her lack of memory and that she doesn't treat me like her other clients and bust her ass for me. She broke my potpourri bowl from Yankee Candle tonight and that just set me off. She doesn't watch what she's doing. I gave her a list of things I want done and she had to be smart and say "what filters?" She knows damn well what filters and she said that those were my responsibility and I said "not if I can't reach them." I told her that if she takes one more client that I am going to replace her and she said "go ahead". Watch me.

She's Driving Me Nuts

I swear my mother doesn't have a brain anymore. She gets confused by the smallest things and it aggravates the crap outta me. It's wearing me out. I need to take a shower now because I have a Dr's appt tomorrow. Don't feel like fooling with it as usual. Too bad people aren't like Barbie dolls and just stay nice looking all the time. It's like I don't care about my appearance anymore and have no energy to do anything. Depression sucks! I called Lori again and she finally answered. If I didn't call her, I'd never hear from her. I've either been playing on Pogo or sleeping or watching tv. That's the extent of my life. Got the xmas tree put in a tote. Took the decorations off a week after xmas, but needed to take it down. It just barely fit in the tote. Guess I better go take my shower now. Bye.

Back to boring routine

After Mike and Debbie left, it seemed too quiet around here. That first night it was like they had just gone to a movie and were going to be back, but the next day it hit Mom and I both. We were both in a funk for a couple of days. All I wanted to do was sleep and Mom didn't feel good and didn't know why.

Today I went and got my hair cut so I'd like it again. She cut more layers into it so I can get the height on top. I was sick of it being flat on top, so I'm happy now. Now I pooped from getting in and out of the car. I've had a sinus headache all day, so feel pooped all over now.

I watched the Coyote Ugly tryouts on CMT last night and here I got the movie from Netflix yesterday too. Kinda funny, but it will show me what they have to go through to be a bartender there.

UnFUCKINGbelievable!

That's the word my brother used when I told him what MaryBeth did with Grandma's rings. I think it's the perfect word. I am so mad that that bitch got the rings that were supposed to go to me! She had no right to those! Grandma's probably turning in her grave that her rings went to that bitch.

Mike and Deb left this morning at 5am. It seems so quiet now. It was so nice to have them here for Christmas. Mom's sleeping and it's 11pm. I'll have to wake her up before midnight. Don't want to be sitting in front of the tv alone when it turns midnight. I hope 2007 will be a lucky year. Praying for a cure this year. Didn't happen in 2006, so let's hope it happens this year.